


Scars to her beautiful

by tildevanessa



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, F/M, Inner conflict drabble, Let's be hopeful tho, Panic attacks (Slight mention), Slight hint at Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 16:06:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28709412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tildevanessa/pseuds/tildevanessa
Summary: ((Warning! Do not read if angst, anxiety or depression are any form of triggers.))"Love. A word that could be a fantasy, if one stared at it long enough. It was ridiculous to believe that an actual person was able to accept her. To see her with her scars, not see through them. It seemed to defy reality that someone could bear to stay with a soul as broken as hers."
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Kudos: 7





	Scars to her beautiful

Dawn hadn't arrived yet. Maybe that was one of the reasons why she was on edge. The warmth and light wasn't here to comfort her from her spiraling thoughts. Now that she had woken up, she knew she won't be able to fall back asleep.

It took her some time to realize that she wasn't alone between the unfamiliar sheets. James Potter. James Potter was fast asleep, glasses on the bedside table, softly breathing in and out. He seemed to be to be tired but blissfully so.

Watching James sleeping peacefully did not help ease Lily's mind. She knew that this was routine. Her dark thoughts getting the best of her. Usually she was able to break through them, but tonight, even if it was a day long time coming, the wave of insecurity and questions couldn't be stopped. 

Softly climbing out of bed Lily padded across the cold floor towards the window. Looking for any escape from the stuffy room. She slowly opened the windows so as not to wake up James. There was a slight chill in the air. 

Most days Lily was a fun person to be around. Her sarcasm and dry humor was always appreciated amongst her friends. Studious she may have been, but she's always been down for a good, harmless prank. Her laugh was contagious and even her acquaintances genuinely enjoyed her company. That was most days. There were also the days like tonight, where Lily couldn't fall asleep, her anxiety getting the best of her. Days where she hugged her knees, shaking and trying to control her sobs, tears falling for reasons she sometimes couldn't understand.

She knew she was a mess. If she looked in the mirror she could see two ordinary green eyes blinking back. But the mirror couldn't showcase how broken she was inside.

Sometimes her mind could be so loud, she couldn't even see straight. The toxic thoughts always had a knack at taking away rational thinking. Crying silently, trying to calm herself down even if she didn't know what was wrong, just to get some sleep had slowly started to become her ordinary. Nothing was wrong and yet, nothing was right either. 

Glancing back, seeing James' side profile on their shared bed, she tried to argue with her thoughts. There lay someone who had professed to the world at large that he loved her. Love. She used to think it was such a fleeting word. A word that could be a fantasy, if one stared at it long enough. A word that had such depth, it could make or break a person. It was ridiculous to believe that an actual person was able to accept her. To see her with her scars, not see through them. It seemed to defy reality that someone could bear to stay with a soul as broken as hers. There were times Lily's mind had slowly made her doubt how long James would be able to suffer her. But James always proved her fears wrong. The way he loved her, it was easy to believe again. It was easy to let a spark of hope light within her. It was scary, sure. To hope, to dream. But it was a way to trudge through her darkness. The simple gold band on her ring finger proved this.

It was glinting in the night light. Leading her to a promising future. There was a lifetime ahead of her, _with_ James. Maybe one where she can start healing. One where she can put her fears to rest. It may have been less than twenty four hours since they both declared their vows, but Lily knew this was a step forward.

When she tiptoes back to bed, the floor doesn't seem to bite at her with cold anymore. She comes back under the warmth of the covers, to her husband. She was human after all. She had fallen to the ground countless times. But she always got backup. And she will continue to do so. Each day she'll fight back with herself however draining it could be.

This time too, she knows that when she closes her eyes, the pain wouldn't dissipate overnight. But Lily knows once she opens them, there's faith and hope for a better day awaiting her.

She falls asleep at dawn with a final murmur of _goodnight_ to herself.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope inspired by Life Goes On by BTS.  
> Final line from Blue and Grey by BTS. 
> 
> Kudos, comments and criticisms are always welcome and appreciated!  
> Hope you liked the read!  
> xxx tilde


End file.
